"Spotlight the problem, not the solution."
This artile will illustrate how parents and individuals working with children with autism or other neurodevelopmental challenges can help children learn to THINK.
You will enjoy this article if you want to learn how to stop being a “thinking robber” and become a more mindful effective thinking guide.
In RDI we recognize that learning, and competence, comes with doing. It comes with struggling, thinking, failing and succeeding. Guides recognize their ability to make the most of regular interactions when they focus on spotlighting problems rather than solutions.
Consider the following two phrases. Imagine them being said to you:
“Pick it up and put it here.”
“This is hard to figure out!”
Try to feel your brain working as each is said. “Pick it up and put it here.” What’s your brain doing? Right, not too much; it’s pretty much basic compliance. A great skill to have no doubt, yet as a guide, we know how limiting this can be for real world application.
How about the latter? “This is hard to figure out!” What’s your mind doing now? It’s really trying to work something out. It’s refocusing on the problem, slowing down. It’s doing some dynamic thinking.
Here are a few more examples. Notice how the focus changes from the solution to the problem and the effect it has on the relationship and what learning and opportunities will happen next.
“Say hi to Daddy” – “There’s Daddy!”
“Pick it up” – “Oh no!”
“Sit down” – “Circle time”
“Try again” – “This is just not working”
“Good job!” – “We’re doing it!”
Providing solutions rob individuals of the chance to make those dynamic problem solving connections that we so want them to have. Providing solutions can also give a false sense of the true abilities of an individual.
How to begin spotlighting the problem ?
This change in mindset is big and it is hard to do. When we see our children struggling for a solution, our mirror neurons fire rapidly. We literally feel them struggling and are pulled to relieve that tension by providing a solution. And then, seemingly overnight, it becomes an automatic response. Before we know it, we’re anticipating the problem and providing the solution before the child even recognises it.
We become the solution managers instead of the opportunity givers, decreasing rather than increasing our child’s ability to function in the world. We wind up doing all the dynamic thinking work for our children who need the most practice at it.
I have seen my parents change this habit, and providing an environment where dynamic thinking can thrive.
Start by taking time to do… well, nothing. Slow down. Observe your child and let them reach the edge of competence, Scaffold as less as required.
What I find most often is that parents are surprised by what problems their child can solve on their own. That’s a competence building moments for our children!
Opportunities (problems) will start to arise. Shoes will be lost. Zippers will get stuck. Play ideas will make one person happy and not the other. Your turn will be skipped. As you slow down, you’ll see your child resolve many of them leaving you an opportunity to spotlight their competence.
When you are Spotlighing/celebrating a solution, please use varity of words, but avoide “Good Job”
